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From Me to You – I Sure Do Love You.

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Dear Hot Mamas,

I’ve sat here now for a few days trying to find the words to write to all of you but no words could ever possibly do justice to the emotions coursing through my body.  I started Hot Mama because I love teaching fitness, I love my kids and I love empowering women to be their best selves. It’s who I am and when I teach, I am the happiest version of myself. 

This company has been all of me for seven years now. I’ve been able to “stay home” with my kids (while working 18 hours a day, lol), it’s given me an outlet to follow my passion and I think we all did a damn fine job at building a supportive and loving community of women supporting women. I’ve received hundreds of messages over the years about how we’ve changed lives for the better and I know we’ve made an impact on generations to come. Well, at least my own kids have been impacted by Hot Mama, and for that, I am grateful. 

I met some of my very best friends through Hot Mama and I have met the most incredible women while I pursued my dreams. I cannot explain to you how important you all are to me and how much you’ve changed and formed the rest of my life. The gratitude and love I have for each and every one of you will never diminish, no matter what happens. 

I grew an empire. It may be a very small empire, but it’s mine and I will look back at this time, smile, sigh and lift a glass of wine to its success. 

But, the time has come for me to step aside and take a break. It’s time I put myself and my family ahead of anything and anyone else. I’m sure this will be a surprise for most of you, and to be honest, I have agonized about this decision for a long time. I’m a little scared, sad and a whole lot…tired. 

I need a rest. I need the company to grow and be the powerhouse I know it can be, and for that to happen, I need to rest and let someone else take the reigns. The Hot Mama team will be in touch as decisions are made, but know this…this is not the end of this community…this is a shift where a shift is needed. We do good work…it cannot all be for nothing. So please, continue to support your local Main Mama, continue to love and support and honour one another. Continue to sweat, swear, cry and cheer. Please.

If you feel I’m letting you down, please know that my goal was never to let anyone down. My goal was only ever to support and love, inspire and encourage. I could not be more grateful for the support and love you’ve all given me over the years. Without you, I would not have survived the seven years without all of you support and encouragement. You are the heart of this company and I only wish I could truly express what you’ve all meant to me. 

A few weeks ago I taught my last Hot Mama class. At that time, I wasn’t entirely sure if that would be it, but my heart was pretty sure. I cried as I taught, though I’m uncertain anyone saw my tears (we were all a little sweaty), I cried only in celebration of the strength and sense of community I felt in that room. You cannot know how it felt to teach that class and to feel the love from you all at that moment. I will never ever forget it. Ever.

This isn’t the end of me. This is a pause for me. I need to reset, recharge and get healthy. I need to remind myself of who I am and what I want and I need time to do all of that. The Hot Mama community is incredible and even playing the smallest role in building this business has been the most wonderful experience of my life (aside from being a Mom). 

I need you ALL to know that through it all I have loved every moment, every person and every memory created. I love you. I love you all so very much. I only wish I could have been more and done more for you. You deserve it. You truly do. 

I will be offline for a time now to rest and surround myself with only those closest to me. I hope you’ll respect my desire to rest at this time. 

Again, please continue to support Hot Mama. It truly is an incredible business with wonderful and strong business owners giving it their all. 

Thank you, Hot Mamas. Those two words could never possibly be enough, but until I see you and am able to wrap my arms around you and let love seep from my heart to yours, it is the best I can do. I am grateful for Hot Mama and I am most certainly grateful for any woman, man or child that has been a part of this crazy ride that is Hot Mama. 

Until next time…

With love, gratitude and respect,
Lindsay, Your OHM

The Domino Effect of Deciding to Change

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We all know that change is hard. There are thousands of books written on how to go through the process of making changes for the better. There are thousands of articles on steps you can take to help you through the hard times. But honestly, the hardest thing about change, about pivoting something in your life, is that you have no idea, absolutely no idea if the change will actually be for the better.

I mean, sure, there are some decisions that you’ll make that are pretty dang clear, but I’m not talking about the easy decisions. I’m talking about those major decisions you need to make in this life of yours that change the entire path you’re on. These are the decisions you eventually need to just trust your gut, throw caution to the wind and…decide.

How daunting is that? It’s no wonder many of us sit stuck in a place because we’re too afraid to take even the smallest of steps in one direction. How can you decide something that will forever impact your life if you have no idea if it’s right or wrong?! 

But, at some point, you’ll need to throw your hands up in the air and either pivot or don’t. Make the move or don’t. Change or don’t. 

But, here’s the #1 thing I’ve learned about change:

Change is not just one decision and you’re done.
Change requires thousands of decisions and pivots.

Change starts with one decision and one pivot that dominos to many. It requires a decision to make a move, and that move will then need to pivot, then another pivot, then a pivot to that pivot, followed by an unexpected pivot and then probably 897,00+ more pivots. This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as I’ve made some pretty major decisions in my life. 

Your decision to change, to pivot the way you’ve been leading your life, your business, your job, your relationship, whatever you’re changing doesn’t end with that one decision. That one decision snowballs and apparently, for the most part, most major decisions will impact every aspect of your world. I don’t say this to scare you, I just wish I’d known that when making major decisions I’d need to put on protective gear for all aspects of my life because one major decision has the potential to affect all areas of my life.

And honestly, whether the major decision or change you’re making is in only one area of your life, it’s going to affect that area PLUS all the other areas. Making a big work decision? It’s going to impact your personal life. Making a big personal decision? It’s absolutely going to affect your work life.

Oh Lindsay, stop being so dramatic. 

I know that’s what you’re thinking, but hold on…I’ll show you what I mean.

We’ve recently made a change to how I run my business. We’re testing out a new business model, moving away from franchising and into licensing. Now, this was a MAJOR decision and one I didn’t take lightly. I spent months and months agonizing about the decision. I did my research. I spoke to my mentors. I consulted successful business owners. I read, I researched, I took courses and I finally decided to make a change, to pivot my business.

Here’s what happened:

  1. I pivoted and was instantly filled with self-doubt.
  2. I lost sleep.
  3. I didn’t eat – that’s my stress response.
  4. The people around me panicked (change is hard and when you make a decision that impacts others…they’re going to panic).
  5. I worked like a fiend to prove that I made the right decision.
  6. I pushed my team to work as hard as me.
  7. I upped my exercise regimen because exercise is medicine for me and when stressed, I workout.
  8. I had little time or energy for my friends.
  9. I cocooned.
  10. I got sick.
  11. I worked long hours sacrificing precious family time.
  12. I then had to pivot my pivot and I didn’t see that coming. 
  13. I then had to pivot the pivot I initially pivoted. 
  14. Then all these new changes I made further impacted all the areas of my life and so the cycle repeats.

You see…one decision impacted the mental, social, physical and emotional areas of my life. Completely and totally. And, I still have no idea if I’ve made the right decision. I have to believe I did, but again…one change has led to 897,000 additional pivots (okay, that was a liiiiitle dramatic).

Change is hard. It can affect you physically (sleep, physical activity, food intake, alcohol intake, etc.), emotionally (stress, irritability, all-consuming self-doubt, etc.), socially (all relationships and how you function as a mother, partner, friend, etc.) and mentally (mental sharpness, ability to pay attention, thoughts and ideas, etc.). 

But the best thing I’ve learned about change? Even if you make a mistake, you’re one pivot away from a new direction. You’re just one decision away from redirecting yourself to where you’re meant to go.

Although change is hard and most big decisions will impact every area of your life, don’t stop. You have to continue to pivot. Did our first pilot test of licensing work? Maybe. I didn’t stay long enough in that decision to find out, I pivoted again and again because I listened to my gut. Did I give up? NOPE. I continue to pivot and adjust daily. And I will continue to pivot in this direction until I nail it.

We pivot. We pivoted the pivot. So, no matter what decision you make, whether it was “right” or “wrong”, you will absolutely, 100%, need to re-evaluate and adjust. I wish I’d known that. I wish I’d known that one pivot or decision isn’t enough. 

One decision leads to thousands. One change will lead to thousands of tiny, super significant pivots. 

It’s effing terrifying, isn’t it?! Trust me, as someone going through MULTIPLE changes, I know how you feel. But, the greatest consolation I can give you is that you’re one decision away from righting any mistake you’re about to make. So go on, change. And know that no matter what, whether that one decision you made was a mistake, you’re just one more decision, one more change, one more pivot away from getting on the track you truly desire to be on.

It’s not much of a consolation, is it? But, it’s something.

All this to say: Don’t be afraid of change. Make the decision, change your footing and remember it’s okay to pivot. Give yourself that permission. You’re not going to get it right the first time. But, I have to believe, at some point, I’m truly going to nail this. At which point…I’ll pivot…and make it even better. 

 

Two Questions to Ask Yourself When Baited Into Negativity

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We all have that one friend who is constantly pissed off, angry, mad about something, right? You know, the one that pulls you into conversations about everything that is going wrong in her life and creates a whoa-is-me framework for her days/weeks/months/years.

OR…we’re all part of that online Mom Group that we watch and read posts because you just never know what question will insight a backlash of bitchery and harsh judgment.

OR…we all engage in conversations that we know we shouldn’t be having but it just feels so good to vent and bitch and moan and commiserate. 

I get it. I truly do. But sheesh, it all seems to be getting a little out of hand.

I was online yesterday and I couldn’t go into a group without seeing someone bully someone else about their kids, or see posts about how hard life is or complain about how this went wrong and so-and-so did me wrong…with zero resolutions or ideas on how to make it better. 

And trust me when I tell you that I absolutely understand the allure of participating in the negative, especially if you have a strong opinion. 

But, it just gets to be a bit much. When do we pause and think “whoa…easy tiger…take a breath and really reflect on what you’re saying”. 

I guess I’m simply tired of the negativity I read about, hear about and have land on my shoulders, in my ears and through my eyeballs every single day. I understand that as a leader it is my JOB to continue to forge ahead in the midst of negativity and be a strong role model for positivity and badassery. I can handle that. I truly can. But some days…some…days.

Some days, my lovelies, some days it’s so hard when all you hear is negative, all you read is negative and all you defend is negativity. It makes you feel like this…

It’s hard when you’re inundated with post after post or conversation after conversation on all things negative. The constant thread of negative judgery (it’s a word, beat it) is really freakin’ hard to take. Even if it’s not directed at you. I find even reading posts where there are 252 comments so hard.

And yes, I know I don’t have to read it all, but there’s something addicting to those threads, isn’t there? It’s hard to turn it off. I realize it’s a choice to read those posts and the comments, I get it. I don’t read them any longer…go me! 

And listen, I’m not judging you. I truly am not. I’ve engaged in my fair share of gossiping and negative talk. But lately, I’ve decided I don’t need that in my life. I don’t want that in my life. So, I’ve begun to ask myself two questions when I read something negative or if hear about conversations I could engage in.

Question #1: By engaging, am I helping or hindering to find a way to fix the issue or am I just adding fuel to the fire?

Question #2: Would I engage and say the same words if the person I’m talking about was standing behind me unannounced? 

By asking myself these two questions (which happened a lot the first few days I tried this out), I paused and most definitely decided to hold my tongue and/or choose different words that elicited a different response. Instead of adding fuel to a debate, I have been able to guide conversations away from blame and towards a solution. And that feels DAMN good.

I’ve also removed myself from groups that are riddled with negativity. I have my own stuff going on, why the heck do I need to read about other peoples’ online lives? WHY? To make myself feel better that “at least I’m not living that life”? Yikes. Talk about a bitch move. So, I’ve left numerous groups and have decided to surround myself with positivity.

Oh sure, sure, I still have a tendency to want to get my claws into a good ‘ol whine-fest (not to be confused with wine-fest because I am 100% still in for that!), but by asking myself the above two questions I’ve been able to really reframe my thoughts and, ultimately, my day. I’ve taken much of the negativity away from my day and let me tell you…TRUE BLISS!

I reframe everything now based on these questions. If someone is upset, I don’t get baited into the he-said/she-said conversations any longer. I simply focus on HOW I can help move the conversation from emotional unloading to pro-active steps. 

And, honestly…the best thing I did was remove myself from places that held too much negativity for me. If all you see is post after post of negative…GET OUT. You have enough going on in your life, you do NOT need to engage in issues that are not yours. Focus on. Be kind to you. 

And, although there are days that are still hard and some days it seems like all there is is negativity getting thrown my way, I refuse to back down from looking for solutions and finding positivity. RE-FUSE. Some days it’s exhausting and other days I find women just like me trying to do the same thing (hello franchise owners) and float positivity out there like their lives depend on it. 

Cuz they do. Your happy life depends on your slaying negativity, finding solutions and bringing joy and happiness to your world. That’s on you, my friend. 

So, before you engage in negative conversations, whether verbally or written, ask yourself if your words are helping or hindering the situation. Then, before you speak about someone, make sure you’re confident that you’d respond the same way if who you’re talking about is standing behind you.

It’s that simple. I promise. You can stop the negativity. Maybe not all the time and although it’d be awesome for everyone to jump on the positivity train, that’s just not going to happen. So, you gotta take care of you. You gotta surround yourself and your thoughts with the good. You gotta find solutions to make you happy and cause no harm to others.

That’s the goal. Be a good person. Don’t be a gossipy bully.

Breaking Down to Break Through

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I won’t ever forget the moment when I finally crumbled. I was sitting at this table:

and the question was “So Linds, how’s that all sound”?

I wanted to speak. I wanted to answer, but in my head, for the past 5 minutes I had been mumbling:

“Just keep it together, Lindsay. Keep. It. Together. You’re about to look like a total moron in front of these people. 

If they don’t look at you, you’ll be fine.

F**k. She looked at me. DAMMIT…AND she asked me a question? F************k”.

And, in response to her question…no words left my lips. All I could do was shake my head and feel the tears slide down my face.

It started in the pit of my stomach and spread to every cell of my body. It expanded outward and ended up pouring from my eyes for a solid two days. To some of you, this sounds awful…but to my people…to the people who “get it” you’ll understand that in order for me to grasp my own potential and see my own path, crumbling was not only imminent…it was required.

My experience of surrounding myself with crazy successful, super smart, ridiculously influential and understanding people left me exhausted, depleted, broken down and questioning the very being of who I am and what I want to be. If you think that’s a bad thing…you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried.

Without this “break down”, I wouldn’t have had to lay at the bottom of my life and look at things from a new angle. I wouldn’t have seen the path I now need to take because I was probably standing on the one piece I needed to start, not again, but differently. Without that one foundational piece, I couldn’t forge ahead because I had no idea this path even existed. 

The amazing thing about stripping yourself of all confidence is that if you surround yourself with people who “get you”, who “understand you” and who actually believe in you, the only thing you can do is question your worth, figure out what they see in you, buck up and…build again. With stronger material.

It was at a conference where I was surrounded by people who get millions of pageviews, who earn over 6 figures from blogging and who are so smart it makes me feel like my Ph.D. is worthless (I realize it’s not…so eeeeeeeasy, my protective lovelies) that I broke down, cried. It was also at this conference where I rediscovered my power. It was with these same people that I finally realized “well…what the f**k…wait a minute…I’m also super smart and fun and funny and love my people and…HOLY SHIT…I can also do what I love, make an impact and live my why”. 

And yes, while I’ve been working on my passion for years now, I still question my worth, my value, my ability to achieve. I love what I do with Hot Mama. I love that we make a difference, that we help people love themselves again, that we provide a safe place for family fitness…we change lives. But somewhere along the way, my confidence began to crumble. With each bit of blame placed on my shoulders, my confidence crumbled. With each failure I saw, my confidence crumbled. With every person who’s left me because they didn’t like a decision I made, my confidence crumbled. 

So, there I sat, surrounded by people who work like I do, who know their purpose and who are getting shit done and with 30 eyes on me…I quietly broke. And, while I quietly broke I immediately felt strong and loving arms around me and I felt the energy of these people, people I just met, surround my body and place me back on my feet. I will be forever grateful for the Surge Conference and the people who forced me to finally crumble. I will be grateful for the quiet talk on the beach right after about fighting for your “why”. I will be forever grateful for my roommate whose life is as nuts as mine. I hold close in my heart the stories told, the hurt shared and the love given effortlessly by these strangers who now buoyed me up. I am beyond grateful for the friendships I grew in Mexico because I know they will last my lifetime. 

And, I thank the universe and all its power for forcing me to break down around people who work like I do, who believe in their “why” the way I do and who’ve fought adversity and won. These people aren’t loved by everyone and they’re judged just as I am. And yet…they continue on their paths, fully believing in what they do. Just as I will also now continue on mine. Why? Because we’re driven. We have purpose. And we have people in our corner who get us. 

I hope one day I can help others break down to break through. It’s awful and beautiful and magical and hard. And, I couldn’t have asked for more incredible people to break down with. I’m here if you need me. ANY of you…because growth and seeing your potential is hard. But, with the right people, the right guidance and by surrounding yourself with people who not only “get you” but also ralley around you…well now…that’s f**king empowering. 

I got that. I did that. Watch out, party people…I’m about to break through. 

Photo cred: Boudoir by Chee

7 Words to Tell Yourself When You’re Going Through a Rough Time

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This is just a moment in time.

This is just a moment in time.

This is just a moment in time.

This is what I repeat to myself when things are difficult, when life’s kicked me in the crotch again and when I think I couldn’t possibly take another step forward.

This is just a moment in time.

And you know what? It works. It works to remember that for every moment we’re going through, there’s another moment that’s going to happen right after this one. It might be better, it might be worse, but the moment you’re going through right now? It’ll pass. You’ll get through it. Something will change and a new moment will be created.

I’m not saying you just sit there and let the moments come to you. You need to get out there and do the work. You need to forgive whatever is holding you back and take a step toward the next moment that you want to create. If you don’t do the work, it’s almost guaranteed that the next moment isn’t going to be a good one, or that you’ll simply stay where you are but sink a little deeper into the place you want to get out of. So, you need to do the work. 

I’ve had a lot going on over the past many, many months and there are big changes ahead. And that change? Well, it can be paralyzing. Remembering that where I am right now is just a moment in time, that someday I will look back at this moment and think “Whoa…that was a shit moment, but here I am now in this place, feeling amazing” – well, it makes it easier to manage the moment I’m in now. It’s important to remember that even the smallest change can shift where you’re at right now and pivot the direction of your next moment. 

But, like I said. You gotta do the work. Sitting around moping, complaining and blaming simply stalls you from moving out of this moment in time towards another, more positive, more happy, more freeing moment in time. So stop. Figure out what you want. Make a plan. Do the work. Get out of this moment.

Unforunately, it doesn’t work in reverse. Those moments that you want to hold on to? Those moments you don’t want to let go? Those moments you want to stay and live in forever? Well, those are also just moments in time. When you’re in those good places and you’re really living in your moment, remember to take the time to feel the moment, to appreciate and love the moment…to let that moment wash over you and fill your soul with love, joy and happiness. You also deserve that. 

This is just a moment in time.

Those 7 words have honestly changed my life.

When my kids are bickering and I want to scream: This is just a moment in time.

When I doubt my strength, my power and my capability to achieve: This is just a moment in time.

When something goes wrong in my business: This is just a moment in time.

When my body gives out and leaves me sick for months on end: This is just a moment in time.

When I’m so exhausted, my patience is nil and my kid has a fever: This is just a moment in time.

When love is hard and exhausting and you doubt all of it: This is just a moment in time.

Here’s the BIG difference though: You need to ADD TWO WORDS during the good moments.

When your kids look at you with joy, happiness and unconditional love: This is just a moment in time. Remember this.

When your child does something for the first time and they get “that” smile of pride: This is just a moment in time. Remember this.

When you do something for the first time in a long time and remind yourself who you are: This is just a moment in time. Remember this.

When you feel the sun on your face, hear the sound of laughter and take a moment to breathe: This is just a moment in time. Remember this.

It’s the “Remember this” moments we need to focus on when things are hard. Remember that there are good moments ahead. Of course there will be difficult ones, too. But in a world that constantly wants us to focus all the things we’re not “enough” of, the “Remember this” moments will hold you together, will allow you to remember that the dark times are simply a moment in time and there are so many more moments you’re going to want to remember once you get out of this one. 

Life is hard sometimes. Not all the time…but sometimes. In those hard moments, just remember – this is just a moment in time. You can get through it. You will get through it. Why?

Well, #1 – there’s no other choice, you gotta move.

And #2 – We all deserve incredible moments in our life.

So, get to work and go get ’em. This is just a moment in time. Good or bad.

This is just a moment in time.