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The Importance of Buddy Check for Jesse for Our Family (and yours)

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Last night my son got to meet the man behind Buddy Check for Jesse. To say it was an emotional night would be an understatement. At least it was for me.

If you’re unfamiliar with Buddy Check for Jesse, it is an organization that brings mental health awareness to sport. Buddy Check is most known for the “Green Tape” initiative where kids tape their sticks with green (the color for mental illness) tape during the last week of October. It’s an incredible way to raise awareness and start conversations about mental illness – what it can look like, how to support, how to check on your friends, etc.

Most importantly was the message our coach talked about in the dressing room. The message of checking on your friends, of reaching out if you see someone struggling…of reaching out if you ARE struggling. It’s this message that created the environment in which my child could vocalize what he goes through and feel supported by his coach and his teammates. The green tape was a tool for the conversations. Now, every time Owen sees green tape, he feels supported thanks to the words of his coach.

Buddy Check for Jesse came into our lives last fall and it changed both my son’s and my life. It may seem like a fairly simple thing to do…tape a stick…but it was the conversations, the openness, the support received during this initiative that brought strength to both my son and me to speak out about what my son goes through (recently diagnosed with several types of anxiety and depression).

My son has always been open about talking about his mental illness – he does not know that this is uncommon – but Buddy Check seemed to really hit his heart and soul and light it on fire. He became braver, more vocal, more proud of overcoming his anxiety and – seemingly, more accepted.

Since the Green Tape initiative in October, Owen has talked openly about his mental illness as he battled hard all season. It was a very difficult season for us, but I believe he felt supported, accepted and honoured by his teammates and coaches. His openness to speak about what he goes through still humbles me and the messages he speaks constantly patch my heart back together and make me so very proud.

His main message: You’re not alone. You’re supported.

I mean…seriously. He’s 10.

During Owen’s 50 for 50 campaign to raise awareness for mental illness, we knew a large portion of the funds raised would go to Buddy Check for Jesse. Last night we were able to meet Stu and his wife and Owen donated $2500 to Stu and the work being done at Buddy Check for Jesse.

Last night I watched my son, shy at first, hand over his hard-earned money to a cause he truly believes in. As the evening progressed, I saw my son open up, be silly, and engage with Stu and Niki and I was just so proud. He even read an entire article OUT LOUD to them about how his dog helps him cope with his mental illness.

At one point Stu turned to me and said: “You’d never think he has a mental illness, would you?”. And we both just smiled at one another and shrugged our shoulders…because we know. We know mental illness looks like the kid or adult next door. The silly one, the quiet one, the loud one, the extrovert, the introvert, the sporty, the shy…mental illness does not “look” like anyone in particular.

In our case, it looks like a ridiculously kind, sweet, smart, funny, sometimes loud (aren’t they all?) 10-year old. For Stu, mental illness looked like a smart, kind, loving son. You simply cannot look at someone and know the battles they must wage to live the life they live.

Owen was given the gift of acceptance, grace and education through Buddy Check for Jesse and honestly, it was this initiative that helped me through an extremely difficult season. Knowing that there are many other parents out there advocating for their kids, knowing I wasn’t being judged, knowing that this is a big enough issue for someone out there to be fighting for awareness…I held that in my heart daily as we battled.

Owen was given gifts from Stu and Niki last night that took my breath away. I will keep those private, but I know Owen will cherish his gifts forever.

As we drove home from meeting Stu, on Jesse’s birthday, we had a bigger conversation about depression – a topic we haven’t discussed much. He had a lot of questions and I could see him grappling with the loss Stu and his family feel. Once again, we keep learning and growing because we talk about it. We talk and talk. I am honest and open with my son – hiding facts won’t help. So, he asked the questions I think he may have been nervous to ask before. I answered and I cried. When we got home, he was the one to come to me in our driveway and give me a hug.

My son is incredible. He battles 3-hour panic attacks, he makes it through “sad days” and he advocates for others to reach out and find support. He raised over $5000 to raise awareness for mental illness and he isn’t done. He wants to do more. So we will. Apparently forever.

The fact that my son, at 10, is using his own mental illness to let others know they aren’t alone, to raise money for organizations that help bring awareness and to not even think twice about sharing what he does – it humbles me and makes me want to be a better person for him.

Stu – Thank you. Out of tragedy and heartbreak, please know you’re helping so much. I am sorry for your loss, with my entire heart and soul – but we promise to continue to talk. We promise to educate and support and help as much as we can so others can find the light again. We will be here fighting our own battles all while drawing a sword to stand strong for others.

Owen, my son – you are the strongest person I know. I hope you know the strength and power you have inside you – but when you don’t – I’m here – arms wide, heart open and fighting for you.

#PushingForAwareness – Update on our Campaign to Raise Awareness for Childhood Mental Illness

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Well, we did it. We made it 50 days and we completed 50 pushups on each and every day of the campaign. There were certainly days when we did not want to get up, go live on Facebook and do our pushups. So. Many. Times. But, we did them anyway. Why? Because my son made us. LOL.

The purpose of this campaign was to raise money to help raise awareness for childhood mental illness. We do realize pushups won’t do a thing, but this campaign certainly did.

The final total raised was $5325.

With processing fees, my son has $5165 to divvy up between the four organizations we were raising money for. He has yet to decide how he wants to divvy it up just yet and seems to be putting a lot of time into figuring it out. I will not push him to make this decision but promise to update you all as soon as he comes up with a plan.

I must admit that I was a little concerned on Day 50 when we had over $1000 to raise to reach our goal of $5000, but as always, this incredible community came through and we exceeded our goal. The moment we reached our goal, I *may* have had a little cry when I hugged my son and told him he did it.

The moment we hit $5000 in our campaign #PushingForAwareness

From there, I couldn’t stop crying for about an hour. Quiet, silent tears…but still there. Still rolling down my face. I’m not sure why I was so emotional, but I believe, for the most part, it was because in that moment, I felt like my son was more supported than ever before.

I don’t think he understands the magnitude of what he’s accomplished but I think after reading him some of the comments from Facebook, the articles written about him and some of the emails I’ve received about his campaign…he may be getting it.

If you’ve sent Owen a note or left a beautiful comment for him, please know he’s been read them or he’s read them himself. He’s very proud of the articles from Blackpress and I’d like to thank Kendra Crighton for connecting and writing such awesome pieces.

The big question from my son now is:

“How do we keep raising awareness?”

This kid. Raising $5000 wasn’t enough…he would like to keep going and he’s requested we sell sweatshirts with all proceeds going to an organization that educates about mental illness. We will decide on one organization for this…and I will keep you posted on when and where you can buy your sweatshirt.

We have battled mental illness during this entire campaign. I’ve been exhausted at times and on top of the world at others. I’ve had to battle beside my kid on the hard days and I’ve reached for support and love during those times. Thank you to those around me who continue to support both my son and I.

The reality is…we’re not done. We have many battles to fight yet (though they will get fewer, I hope) but with the strength of this community and the support shown to our family…I have the strength to do absolutely anything.

To our fundraisers who signed up to do 50 pushups for 50 days and helped us raise over $5000…THANK YOU. Thank you for posting to Facebook and for talking about mental illness with your friends and family.

Celebrating our $5k goal! A family affair…just missing Dad (working…cuz someone has to).

To the 90+ people who donated to our campaign…THANK YOU. Achieving our goal has been an incredible confidence boost and I feel even more strongly about continuing on and forcing the issue.

Education is key and I refuse to remain quiet.

Most importantly, I am beyond proud of my son for using his voice to educate, to stand up and to tell the world that he may have a mental illness but that doesn’t define him…HE defines him. And HE is enough just as he is.

He is strong, courageous, smart and has more kindness in his pinky than a lot of people have in their entire body. Mental illness does not define my son…his brain, his fortitude, his silliness and his fun 10-year-old-boy personality defines him. Mental illness is just a part of who he is. Some days we hate it. But, most days…we honor it.

Because of anxiety and depression, my son is the person he is and I would never EVER EVER change a thing about him. Ever.

Please keep #PushingForAwareness. It’s important. #EndTheStigma.

#PushingForAwareness for Childhood Mental Illness- DAY 50!!! WE DID IT!

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50 days. 50 pushups. All to raise funds and awareness for childhood mental illness.

Today is Day 50 and I’m so proud to say WE DID IT! We made it through all 50 days and we did at least 50 pushups every day. There were hard days, happy days, sad days and everything in between days. There were days when we absolutely did NOT want to do pushups, but we did them anyway.

Why?

Because kids don’t get to decide what days that have a mental illness. Kids don’t get to decide if it’s a “good” day for depression or a panic attack. So, we got up and we did them. Every day for 50 days.

So far, we have raised over $4400 and have a goal of $5000. Please donate if you can!

CLICK HERE TO DONATE!

My son, age 10, diagnosed with panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety and depression wants to educate everyone about childhood mental illness. He wants other families to have the resources we didn’t have as we began our battle against mental illness. He’d love his classmates, teammates and the adults in his world to understand him just a little better.

My son, age 10, fights every day against his illness and he wants people to know this is not a choice and he would give anything to not have anxiety and depression.

My son, age 10, has more grit, determination, perseverance and desire to educate about a difficult subject than 99.9% of the adults I know.

He’s done 50 pushups for 50 days and we’ve had many conversations about childhood mental illness in random places like grocery stores, baseball games and tournaments. We’ve learned a ton of terrifying stats about childhood mental illness. We’ve educated ourselves and learned about resources like FamilySmart that help families learn about helping their child with mental illness.

But the greatest thing about this campaign is the pride in my son’s face as we’ve gone through the 50 days. He checked our campaign daily to see how much money we’ve raised to help others. He’s given gratitude to those acknowledging his hard work and now…he’s asked what’s next.

Apparently, we’re not done after this campaign is over and I couldn’t be more proud of my son for wanting to continue to educate and help and let others know they’re not alone in their battle against mental illness.

He’s thinking sweatshirts. So, stay tuned for more information on that!

But for now, I’m going to revel in the fact that my son and I accomplished this goal and battled mental illness every single day of this campaign. We won every battle. Some days left us a little battered and bruised, but we’re still here, standing together and figuring it all out.

Thank you for your support. Thank you to everyone who fundraised for Owen’s campaign and thank you to everyone who donated to our campaign #PushingForAwareness.

We are humbled by your support and so very grateful to each and every person involved in our campaign…whether you donated, completed your pushups or just had a conversation with us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

“Tired” Changes as Our Kids Grow – It’s Not a Competition, We’re All Exhausted

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I was talking with a few girlfriends the other day and we were reminiscing about the baby and toddler years. One of my friends said “I wish I knew what tired felt like back then”…and it got me thinking.

We’re all tired. No matter what stage of Motherhood we’re in, we’re all tired. Some days, we’re exhausted. But, comparing fatigue levels and one-upping one another seems a little silly to me.

As I was thinking about my reaction to my friends off-the-cuff remark (she wasn’t trying to stir anything up, it was just a conversation that got me thinking), I questioned why I wanted to defend the Mamas of newborns and little ones.

I realized, it’s not that we’re (the Mamas with bigger kids) more tired than Mamas of newborns, babies and toddlers…it’s simply that tired has changed.

I think until your kids are about five years you, the fatigue and the “tired” is physical. You’ve just either shot a watermelon out your cooch or you’ve been sliced open and your insides became your outsides for a bit, so recovery is tiring.

Then you’re nursing and going through teething and night terrors and growing pains. You’re not sleeping, so you’re still physically tired. You have to carry all the shit around – carseat, diaper bag, BABY, toys, food, bottles, binkies, babas and ALL THE SHIT around – you’re physically tired!

Honestly, the physical tiredness lasts until about five years old. So, new Mamas…you’re in for the long haul and this is one reason why being physically fit is super important! (I will talk about that in another post)

There are a few exceptions to the above, obviously. If your child is ill, or needs extra care or has a disability…your fatigue is different and your tired will be more than physical…I get that. But, for the most part, the tired of Mamas in the first five years of your kiddo’s life is physical.

THEN…YOU GO AND HAVE ANOTHER KID AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.

Sheesh, woman. Keep it in your pants.

Ha!

Moving on…

As our kids grow, I truly believe our tired turns to fatigue of our heart and soul. So, while the tired isn’t necessarily sleepless nights (or it is, but it’s because we’re worrying, not being woken up to “find a missing stuffy” at 2am), the fatigue comes from being a warrior for our kids for years on end.

We constantly have to teach, educate, protect, and stand for our kids. And that, my friends, is exhausting in a different way. No, you don’t have to change diapers in the middle of the night, but you will have to worry about your child’s happiness when they have social issues or they have a learning disability or they (gasp!) have a mental illness.

Your tired will come because you must constantly be the pillar of support for your child and again, while not physically taxing, your poor heart and soul really do some marathons out there.

I guess that is why I harp and harp and harp about taking care of your body (by moving it!), eating well, getting rest when you can and taking time to fill your bucket back up. Motherhood is tiring no matter what stage, so we need to put our health (physical, mental, social, spiritual) at the top of our priority list so that we have the energy required to make it through raising super amazing kids.

New Mamas – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your new baby needs is to be snuggled, fed, changed and loved.

Mamas to babies – hang in there. You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your baby needs is your heart, your smile, your love and your silliness (and the necessities of life, obvi).

Mamas to toddlers – OMG. You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your toddler needs is BOUNDARIES…and your love, support, education and knowledge of how to get on in this world they’re discovering.

Mamas to kids – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your kids need from you is for you to be strong enough to guide them through learning the ways of the world (not much to ask, is it?! Oy.) Be there for them, even on the most tiring days hug them and love them up. Let them know they belong.

Mamas to big kids – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your big kids need to know is that they are loved and adored and they belong in this world with you by their side. Let them feel your joy and your love. On their hard days, hold them closer even as they try to push you away.

Mamas to teens – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your teens need to know is that you are a safe place for them to come and be vulnerable. They need to know they’ll always be loved and adored and belong somewhere…and that somewhere will be with you when they choose to fall into your arms. Try not to be offended when they choose something else, just be there. Breathe. This too shall pass.

Mamas to young adults – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know that you’ve raised incredible kids and take a step back to appreciate all you’ve done and all you’ve guided. All your kids need to know is that there is always a loving and safe place for them to come home to. Arms open, Mama…even on the exhausting days.

Mamas to adults – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. All your kids need to know at this point is that you’re proud of them, that they are loved and that you remain a safe place for them to come home and be their authentically true and vulnerable selves. You’ve given this gift their entire lives, keep at it. You did a good job, Mama. A very good job.

To ALL the Mamas – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. I choose to not compete with you but to align myself with you and support and love you up. I choose to dole out what energy I have left after I’ve given it all to my kids and support you in any way, shape or form I can. I feel you, Mama. We will get through all of this and at the end of it…we will have amazing kids to show for it.

I just hope we can stay awake to appreciate it. xo

Sibling Love – Some Days We Nail It

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My kids are the bomb. And yeah, I know…most parents think their kids are THE BOMB, but mine really are, so there.

Startin’ it off real mature…

I digress.

I was watching my kids yesterday and I noticed how strong their bond is. Sure they bicker and fight and push one another’s buttons, but at the end of the day, I rest assured that they will always have one another to lean on. And, they will lean on one another should they need to.

Here’s the great thing about my kids: they’re actually friends. They play together. They hang out together. They often walk to school together. And, when push comes to shove, I know they have the other’s back.

Trouble at school? They turn to one another.

Bad day? I hear them talking to one another.

Good day? I hear them making fun of one another.

I always knew they were close, but after talking with other parents, apparently, that isn’t super “normal”. While we do have the bickering and the “O-Wen-AHHHHHHH” (that’s when Paytie is super pissed…probably because her brother stole her shoes and hid them again), we also have a lot of laughter, hugging and adoration between those two little schmoopies of mine.

You should also read how I raise them and the “Don’t be a d**k” mantra I taught my son…it’s saved him and his sister A LOT of aggravation.

I’m a big believer in the universe and souls and that souls can wait for one another, so if you don’t…skip the next paragraph.

I went to a tea leaf reader years ago and she told me that my kids were very, very close. In fact, they wait for one another and continue lives together as brother and sister through time. And this time, they chose me to be their Mom. They waited together and hand-picked me to be their Mama.

How freakin’ cool is that? They chose me! Am I not the luckiest Mom in the world to have these two as my kids? I felt so humbled and loved when she told me that, and whether you believe that to be true or not, there is no denying the bond between my children.

Payton constantly checks in with her brother to see how he’s feeling. She always asks if he was able to get on the ice or play his baseball game (for those that don’t know, my son has severe panic disorders and they often cause him to miss things he loves). She celebrates when he achieves and she is compassionate when his anxiety gets the best of him.

And Owen? He manages the overly dramatic episodes my daughter likes to stage and stands up for her when she needs it. I’ve even seen him hug her just to hug her and calm her down when she is nearly inconsolable.

All this to say…I’m so freakin’ glad they have one another. With my son going to middle school next year and my baby girl growing up what seems like five years in just one…there is comfort to know they have one another’s back.

I love love. I love sibling love.

I know that I can rely on my own brothers to support and love me, no matter what, so it was important for me to foster a strong bond between my kids. The cool part? I don’t think I had anything to do with it. I think they have it naturally and I get to just sit back and know that I don’t have to worry about their bond. It is the strongest sibling bond I’ve ever seen.

Yay siblings!