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“Don’t Talk To Me Like That” – That Time My 8-Year-Old Layed Down the Law

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I want to raise an independent woman. I want to raise a strong woman. I want to raise a woman who stands up for herself but does so with respect and…well…finality, no wishy-washy bullshit…just strength and power.

I want to teach her that her words matter and how she chooses to say those words, the tone she chooses is almost as important as the actual words themselves.

I want my daughter to have a voice that is intelligent, decisive and used to empower her and the person she is.

Oh Lordy…I want all of this for my daughter and in a time where women are taking so many steps forward but constantly getting pushed back, I see my daughter and the strength she exudes in who she is.

Today she was spoken to in a fairly impolite way. To be fair, the man who said the words was trying to be helpful, but his “coaching” came off as condescending and somewhat…what’s the word?…asshole-ish.

I stood up to say something to stand up for my daughter, but then I paused.

I saw my daughter take a deep breath, roll her shoulders back, lift her chin and say:

“Don’t talk to me like that. I don’t like it. You can coach me, I’d like to learn. But please don’t speak to me like that”.

The man’s jaw dropped open and he seemed unable to speak for a few moments.

I smiled, breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down. I watched the man gather himself.

“Sorry, Paytie. My bad. You’re right. What I was trying to say was….” and off they went for a respectful conversation.

And there’s me…watching my daughter do something I’ve fought my entire life to do. She found her voice and without any edge to it was able to communicate how she felt, that she didn’t like it and how the person could fix it.

I mean…SERIOUSLY.

She’s EIGHT.

What a fucking superstar.

She is constantly teaching me and I am constantly in awe of her spark, compassion and overall knowledge of who she is and what she deserves in this sunshine-y life of hers.

“Don’t talk to me like that”.

WHAT A ROCKSTAR.

It really can be that simple. Use your words. Let people know when they’ve over-stepped and find a way to make it work. Or not…of course…some people are just total assholes, but she knows that too. She knows when to walk away.

But today she corrected and became a smarter, more confident woman today. I have no idea if she’ll remember this moment, but I will, and I will use it in my own life to stand up for how I want to be treated.

I love that at 41 I’m learning from my 8 year old. I love that she is strong and powerful and beautiful. I love that she is confident and respectful.

I love that she is who she is and I truly love that she is mine to adore and be in awe of.

Well done, baby girl. Well. Done.

It’s Hard to Be Excited When Your Completely Exhausted

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I remember dreading summer last year. Dreading it. I 100% did not want my kids out of school and I 100% did not want summer to start.

I saw other Moms posting things like: “I can’t wait to have my kids home with me all day” and “I can’t wait to make memories with my kiddos all summer”. I’m not kidding when I tell you that I practically dislocated my eyeballs from rolling them so hard and was muttering “fuck off, already” at my screen more times than I care to share.

Last summer I was exhausted. I work from home and that doesn’t mean I’m a stay-at-home Mom…let me be perfectly clear…I work longer hours than most people BECAUSE I work from home. And summers? Summers are harder than anything else.

Why?

Because the pressure is ON to make summer memories for my kids. So, I wake up at 4 am and get 6 hours of work done by 10 am so I can make those GD memories all summer long. Come September…I’m burned out and exhausted.

Early morning require bombass big mugs! Thanks, Chris!

Last year, I had zero reserves. I started the summer exhausted. I remember my kids asking if I was excited about summer and the shitty reality is that I told them “No. No, I am not”. Which I’m sure was pretty damn hurtful.

I was barely surviving last year. I was exhausted in June. I started the summer burned out. I was angry, irritable and overworked. I was unhealthy, sad, depressed and so full of anxiety that I couldn’t breathe.

But, I woke every morning, put my time into my business and tried so hard to get water from this stone.

It was not our best summer. At all. But, we did manage to have some good times.

But this year? I CANNOT WAIT! I’m one of those Moms who is ACTUALLY looking forward to spending time with my kids!

Why?

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO REST! I’m not starting the summer in a deficit.

Hey, I know by the end of summer I will be tired and done and ready for my twerps to get back to class, but…then I have 10 months before I have to do that all again. I will get up and work at 4 am because I truly cannot wait to explore with my kids. I will put my phone away for hours on end (something I felt I couldn’t do before) and I will live my summer with my kids…beside them, not dragging behind them willing it to be over.

I’m rested, my friends. And that makes ALL the difference in the world. You truly cannot be excited about things if you’re exhausted. There is no physical way you can fake your way through that. Trust me, I tried.

I am finally looking forward to summer again. And that…feels so good.

Our Dog Helps Us Battle Mental Illness

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Her name is Sunny Spot and she is a rottweiler. Terrifying, right? Bahahahaha…if you’re terrified of big, sweet, loveable, wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly babies then yes, she’s super terrifying.

Her name is Sunny and she is one of the most effective tools we have in our support toolbox for managing my son’s anxiety (which he has officially named “Dickson”, lol). My son has asked me to write this post about him and his dog because she is critical to his comfort, safety, security and managing his anxiety.

We surprised my son with Sunny about 5.5 years ago and he immediately fell in love. She has always been and will always be “his” dog. She sleeps on his bed every night and she can hear him playing at school when he’s out at recess or lunch (our house backs onto his elementary school). She will whine at the back door if she hears him playing and greets him at the front door when he gets home from school. When he leaves, she watches him go every day, sighs, sleeps and waits.

Baby Sunny

When Owen started having panic attacks he would immediately run to her when we got home. If you’ve ever had a conversation with my son, I’m certain Sunny will be brought up. No one, and I mean no one, who knows my son doesn’t know that we have a dog named Sunny.

As Owen’s panics started growing and anxiety started ruling our lives more and more, Sunny’s love and comfort became a critical piece to managing the hard days. I truly do not know what we would have done without her. He often got through a panic attack and would immediately say “I just want to get home to Sunny. I really need her now”.

Doing what she does best…lovin’ up on my son.

The best part? Sunny knows. On hard days, she stays close. She comforts. She loves. She protects. She gives and gives. On easy days, she…stays close, comforts, loves and protects…LOL.

She’s an incredible dog and has become a major part of Owen’s recovery. She is a huge part of his counseling and is officially a character in his strategy to shrink his worries.

The bond between a boy and his dog is strong. But the bond between Sunny and Owen is 1980’s megahold hairspray strong. Unbreakable. Wonderful.

If your child suffers from a mental illness and you’re able to, I would highly recommend you get a dog. There are a lot of lessons she has taught Owen, from responsibility to forgiveness (she eats a lot of his toys), to learning what it takes to take care of a live animal (it’s a lot). But one of the greatest lessons she’s taught us is the power of complete and total acceptance and unconditional love.

Dogs don’t judge. Dogs don’t hate. Dogs don’t make fun. They simply love you for who you are on the good days and the bad days. They love and love and love and all that love builds a bed you can crawl on to recover, rest and become whole again.

She is the greatest gift we’ve ever given Owen and when we got her we had no idea how critical she would be to our son’s growth as a human. We had no idea how critical she would be to our son’s recovery from mental illness.

If you have a child who battles, I would absolutely, 100% urge you to consider bringing a dog into your world. They take a lot of work, but if you make the dog your child’s dog…I’m almost certain he or she will feel more supported than ever before.

Dogs help with anxiety. Well, at least ours did. And I, for one, am extremely grateful for that big goofball. Even if she does eat entire bags of chocolate chips (bad), all the bagels off the counter (bad), roast chickens fresh from the oven (very bad) and my shoe (very, very bad).

Also…she’s MY dog, dammit. MINE. He think she’s his, but…oh fine…she’s his but I get my snuggles in every now and then when he’s still sleeping.

Get a dog, my friends. They help in thousands and thousands of ways.

Insomnia Had a Grip on Me Until I Tried Two-Syllable Breathing as a Sleep Strategy

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I didn’t sleep for years. Years and years. No exaggeration, I did not sleep for a very, very, veeeeeeeeerry long time.

It wasn’t the sleepless nights with newborns, or toddler night terrors, though those definitely wreaked havoc on my life for years. It wasn’t even the fact that my daughter, to this day, insists on waking me almost every night to tell me how much she loves me (no, it’s not cute, so don’t you dare “awwwww”, lol). I didn’t sleep because I had insomnia.

My insomnia began about four years ago. Yes, my kids were still little back then, but my lack of ability to sleep carried on even when my kids began to (mostly) sleep through the night.

It’s not that I didn’t want to sleep. I did. I just couldn’t.

As an entrepreneur, my mind is always working. So, if I woke up at 3 am, my brain would start grinding and coming up with idea after idea after idea and I could never get back to sleep.

While this was fine for awhile, after a few years of about four hours of sleep per night, my body started to break down.

I was exhausted, stressed, malnourished and trying to grow an empire. I was routinely told by my doctor that I needed to get more sleep. In fact, she said any sleep would be amazing.

Yeah, no shit. Oy.

But, how does one turn off her brain? She doesn’t listen, in fact, she’ll start wondering how sleep actually works and will try to solve all problems as soon as she is roused. Best to just get up and get to work versus lay in bed and think about all the things needed to be done.

Until one day, I couldn’t. I became exhausted and very sick. Light headed, anxious, depressed, angry, bitter. I lost weight, I lost hair and I lost myself. Yup…lack of sleep will do ALL OF THAT.

I’ve made some pretty serious life changes this past year and one of the most important changes I’ve made is my commitment to rest and sleep.

But, how does one get sleep if one’s brain is on HIGH? You can’t just say “Brain, we need sleep, that’s enough…SHUT IT DOWN!”. She gets pissy. Uber pissy.

With my daughter constantly waking me, my husband snoring next to me and my entrepreneurial brain on overtime, there was no way I could ever get back to sleep in the middle of the night, even though I knew I needed to.

Until…I went to counselling.

Oh, and FYI…yes, I tried medication. I tried melatonin. I didn’t like either.

My counselor listened to me and in the first session said “Lindsay, you need sleep. You need rest. So, I’m going to teach you how to do it. She then introduced me to two-syllable breathing and it has been a LIFESAVER.

If I get woke in the middle of the night, I force myself to shut down my thoughts and begin two-syllable breathing. It works. Every time.

You hear me? Every. Time.

Here’s how to do it:

First, you need to imagine yourself in a calm and safe place. Put yourself there. Mine is on a beach, waves rolling in, book on my lap, sun on my face, eyes closed.

This is my place:

Then, you choose a word that has two syllables. You can also choose two words, one syllable each if you can’t figure out a two-syllable word that calms you.

On your inhale, think the first syllable. On your exhale, think the second syllable.

Feel the sun on your face, listen to the waves. Inhale the first syllable, exhale the second syllable.

My words were originally “The Lake”. The syllables are supposed to be something that has positive memories or means something wonderful to you. Memories of the lake growing up were what I thought would work.

But, it turns out my mind liked to screw around with that and play the “Remember when this happened” or “Oh yeah! What about that time that _____ happened!”…so then she went crazy with memories and got seriously nostalgic…not calming at all.

I had to change my word.

I decided on the word “sunshine”. The word makes me happy and it reminds me of my daughter.

I inhale “sun” and exhale “shine”.

I have NO IDEA why this works, but if I practice it when I get woke at night, I almost always fall back to sleep.

Same goes for if I’m having trouble getting to sleep. If I practice my two-syllable breathing, I fall asleep.

I don’t know the science…but if it works, I’ll take it!

My son uses this strategy to battle his anxiety, as well. He also fights sleep and this breathing technique works almost every time.

His word is “Mommy”.

He inhales “Mom” and exhales “my”.

BOOM. Calm.

If you have trouble getting to sleep, or if you have trouble getting BACK to sleep, try this two-syllable breathing technique. It’s changed my entire life, so I sure do hope it works for you.

You need sleep, babe. Truly. Don’t be like me and go years and years without it…trust me…it is NOT a good place to be. xoxo

It’s Okay to Have a Vice – Just Use It Wisely

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I love peanut butter cups. If you know me at all, you know I LOVE peanut butter cups. Love, love, love them. In fact, during a speech I was making one year, people threw them at me when I started to get teary to make me laugh and stop crying (tears of joy, btw).

I also have a peanut butter cup present giver who leaves me random cups on my doorstep every now and then. I have no idea who it is, but I love him or her with all I am.

Here’s the thing…I celebrate my vice. I know that if a peanut butter cup is put in front of me, I’m gonna eat it. No ifs, ands or buts. I used to try to tell myself “Lindsay, no. No. Those aren’t good for you”.

Screw that, old Lindsay. You take those cups and gobble them up.

Life is way too short to not enjoy the things I love. Life is way to precious for me to make myself feel bad for loving something so yummy. Life wouldn’t keep putting peanut butter cups in front of me if I wasn’t supposed to enjoy the heck out of them.

Sure, they’re not healthy. Sure, they’re loaded with sugar and fat and all the things that taste amazing. But…I work hard. I train daily. I sweat. I eat relatively healthy most of the time.

So, I’m not going to balk at eating a peanut butter cup.

I’m here to tell you it’s time to embrace your vice….

With conditions:

You may have SOME of your vice…NOT ALL OF IT. And you may do so guilt-free. Enjoy it. But don’t overindulge. There’s a line between honouring your vice and being unhealthy and ridiculous.

If your vice is at all harmful (e.g. drugs and/or alcohol), this article is not for you. This is for silly vices like peanut butter cups, sweet tarts, chocolate chip cookies or small bags of chips. This does not apply to serious addiction issues.

Life is hard, my friends. Embrace your vice. Don’t fight it…you’ll just overindulge and feel awful the next time you have it. Better to have a little here, a little there. Don’t punish yourself by withholding what you love. Have a little, enjoy the heck out of it and move along in your day.

Don’t think twice about it. OR, if you must, think how your truly deserve your small treat. Because you do. You deserve the things that bring you joy and happiness.

If mine is peanut butter cups, who are you to judge? Even more, who am I to judge? I appreciate me and all I do. I get to treat myself and have ZERO guilt about it. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

How about we’re just a little nicer to ourselves? How about we just love up on ourselves every now and then and take a moment to say “HECK YES!” to our vices. Enjoy, my friends. Seriously…enjoy it.